Homo viatoris waldensis

While notable in many regards, perhaps this cryptid is most exceptional in its near blanket distribution of sightings across the globe. Despite the lack of hard evidence for breeding populations or an ultimate native biome, Homo viatoris waldensis has been sighted literally all over the world and throughout history. Bas reliefs in ancient Egyptian pyramids depict the cryptid lurking on the outskirts of construction sites. Ranchers in 19th century Australia tell fireside tales about the time they glimpsed an H. v. waldensis, or “striped ambler” as it’s more colloquially known, loping alongside the herd in the mid-summer twilight. And no neighborhood in a major urban center is complete without the legend of the skinny man someone’s brother’s sister’s cousin’s personal trainer saw one time striding down an alley with no exit, only to vanish from sight on turning the corner.

With such a plethora of oral traditions, how can photographic evidence of this nomadic hominid never been captured, particularly in this modern age of digital photography and a camera in every hand held device? Some cryptozoologists speculate that a striped ambler’s spectacular natural coloring acts as the camouflage equivalent of the big lie, overpowering the human visual cortex, so that it is seen only in bad light or out of the corner of the observer’s eye.

One parapsychologist with the Spengler-Stantz Institute theorizes that reports of H. v. waldensis seen wielding and using tools, particularly a walking stick, suggests the possibility of an advanced society of cryptoterrestrials living alongside or among humanity without detection, as Mac Tonnies hypthesized. Such a civilization would certainly need excellent camouflaging technology to go unperceived by the human race. Alternately, a small clique of self-proclaimed sensitives attached to the Mt. Shasta School for the Gifted of urban legend insist the Walking Man is not an unknown species of creature, but a single entity all throughout history, a physical expression of this sephiroth‘s basic essence of change and motion.

Whatever its motivation or origin, H. v. waldensis seems content to stroll across the earth in solitude, seemingly without purpose, destination or visible means of support. Only when provoked does the ambler become aggressive, as two amateur cryptozoologists found to their chagrin.[1] As human settlement of the planet continues, it’s only a matter of time before someone stumbles upon a habitation zone or other physical trace of this peripatetic cryptid. The truth may prove far more surprising than anyone could imagine.

[1] Thanks to ThoseLilRabbits’YouTube video for the initial laugh and inspiration.

You saw this coming, right?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s